apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
