So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
