he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
