i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
