I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
