get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
