Did you just see the Batmobile???
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
