Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize