Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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