You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
