Don't you send me to vm
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
