# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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