Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
