I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
