i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They have beer where we have blood.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
