What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
