i permit you to call me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
