Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
