Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
