I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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