I want to stick my p in your. b.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
