I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
