i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
