Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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