I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Bring me that man meat
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
