Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize