Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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