I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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