'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
