yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is the high leading the old right now
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize