I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
