Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
