Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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