im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish I only lived at night.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
