I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
