You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
