he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
