Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You took a bar mat shot.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
