But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
