The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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