I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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