spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize