My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
