Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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