i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
