Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
