I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
