I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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