but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
