I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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