i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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