By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
