I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
