We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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