Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
