We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
