you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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