I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
