I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
