You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
