Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
