You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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