remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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