it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
