3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize