She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
