can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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