cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
