Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
