Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
