He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she looked like the before picture.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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